She Has A Boy Friend ...

Every guy had has encountered the, I conveniently forgot to tell you I have a boyfriend chick. Ask any guy and he will tell you about the time he climbed a mountain, swam the great lakes, and flew to the moon for a woman just to have her tell him she has a boyfriend.

Typically, when this happens, the guy fairs you and your boyfriend well, tips his hat and keeps it moving. Well, Looks can be deceiving because the video above tells you exactly what he really wanted to do...lol.

Why Men Touch Women In The Club

If you bring up the subject concerning men touching women in the club, you will be overrun by a cloud of estrogen spinning in a tirade of complaints about men touching them in the club. Complaint after complaint after complaint, hell, Mego, even wrote a post about it, " You just do you...But don't touch me". Some of the complaints are warranted, but most of them are BS. It’s time for me to go in on this issue from a man’s perspective. Now scoot up closer to the monitor, minimize all windows and pay attention…

Touching to Get Women’s Attention

Of course, there are some types of touching that are inappropriate (booty grabbing, mammary fondling, etc.), but for the most part touching in the club is part of the environment. You don’t go to the strip club and expect not to see some donkeys, so you should expect to be touched in a nightclub. Women will cry all day about how they can’t stand dudes touching them in the club, but what they really want to say is, “I only hate when a dude touches me in a club when he is not attractive”.

90% of the time a man has to touch you in some shape, form, or fashion just to get your attention. Especially, while you’re being dragged in the human choo-choo train comprised of your girlfriends. Please women don’t front, you all know the game, and it goes a little something like this:

You and your girls are in a single file line holding hands like yall are auditioning for the sound of music walking through the crowd when Tyrone slightly grabs the edge of your elbow. At this moment a number of things happen in a matter of seconds. First, you snap around to see who the hell is touching you. Second, Tyrone has to put on his sexiest face, and then look deep into your eyes and try to create a level of attraction out of nowhere. Third, you think to yourself, “why is this dude touching me?”, but before you can snap and do some herky jerky nonsense with your head and neck, you look to see if he is attractive.

If the guy is attractive, you have another decision to make. You now have to figure out if you can stop and turn around to talk to him without looking too eager, bopperish, or hoeish. We all know that in the club appearance means everything in the club, and God forbid you actually show that you are attracted to the guy. If you can’t stop and talk to him without looking like the aforementioned, you will jerk your elbow back and act like you don’t like him.

Make Moves in the Club

It’s not always the case the guy wants to talk to you when he touches you. I am notorious for doing this and it works like a charm when you are trying to get from point A to point B in a crowded club. If it’s packed and I need to move around and a girl is in front of me, I make sure I do some touching. It’s easy to do as long as you pay attention and hit the holes.

Majority of women are insecure about their love handles so I make it a point to focus on this area. If you have a woman with her back to you and you need to get by, get up close, and with your left hand slightly touch her left love handle. At this point she will whip her whole body around and then this is when you step to the right, and like a running back hit the hole that just opened up and keep it moving.

To see what you’re talking about

Second only to the booty and mammary grab, the wrist grab is probably the most offensive to women. Women should keep in mind that a man is only going to keep doing what has worked for him in the past. Majority of the time, when a guy grabs a girl’s wrist in the club to talk to her he is simply testing her to see where her heads is. If he grabs her wrist and she turns around smiles a little and comes to him what that says to him is that she’s probably going to be easy and he won’t really have to put in any work.

I am officially off my soapbox.

7 Ways To Be a Bopper Magnet in the Club

It's no secret that when some men go to the club they are on a bopper chase. Every person has their place in the world and boppers serve the purpose of providing game for the bopper hunter to hunt.

Personally, I think alot of the bopper hunters go about hunting for boppers the wrong way and make things way to hard on themselves. You don't have to be all that attractive or have a nice personality or any of those qualities that normal people place value in, hell you damn near don't have to be breathing.

If you follow these seven steps the boppers will soon looking for you and your job will become a lot easier.



1. Make sure you valet your car in front of the club

Honestly, your car does not have to be all that expensive, just make sure the car is clean, with big rims (preferably chrome, boppers only understand chrome, they don't know what polished alloy even means, they figure if it has chrome it must be nice), and play loud music.

Even if the club does not have valet, just pull up, hop out your car, and then act surprised when they tell you there is no valet. Now, all the boppers have a face to place with the Country Town Car with the 26's and speakers on the outside of the car.



2. Do not be caught standing in line ( Pay to skip if you have to)

Boppers are scared of normal people, and standing in line to get into a club is about as normal as it gets. So, If you are caught standing in line you are seriously killing your chances of landing a bopper.

I don't care if you have to pay double to skip the line and then double to get in (gotta drop to boppa hop), whatever you do, do not get caught standing in a line. If you can be seen walking past everyone in line and then walking right into the club, the ever observant bopper will figure you to be of some type of status and will have you in her radar the whole night.



3. Make sure you wear dark shades

The bopper species is an interesting one, for some reason wearing dark shades at night to the club implies to the bopper that you are of some importance. I am assuming it has to do with the boppers fear of normal people. Being unable to see some ones eyes make that person seem less normal and thus making you more attractive to the ambitious bopper.



4. Wear Gucci or Louis Something.

Boppers equate brand names with money, the only problem is given the boppers limited mental capacity, Gucci and Louis are the only brands which register with boppers. So buyin YSL or Lanvins etc. is just a waist of money.

Make sure your Gucci or Louis something is easily recognizable. The article of clothing sporting the Gucci or Louis brand does not necessarily have to be authentic, as the bopper is usually carrying a fake Louis or Gucci purse and can't tell the difference. ( Gucci Bandanna Gucci, Gucci, Bandanna, Aye!)




5. Make Sure you are ICY!!!

This is very important. You can get by with out wearing shades or Gucci or Louis something, if you are ICY. Diamonds, real or fake are the boppers kryptonite.

When a bopper sees a piece and chain or a bracelet, certain hormones by the name of B.E.H. (bopper euphoric hormones) are released in the boppers brain and she is instantly enthralled by you and can't help her self but to bop.

Remember, being ICY is extremely important.




6. Make Sure you have a Bottle IN Your Hand

The bottle doesn't even have to be open, just make sure you have one in your hand. The bottle is like your bopper business card. When the bopper sees the bottle in your hand she knows you are on the hunt for boppers and is going to make herself readily available to you, usually by bending her head back and opening her mouth.

Almost forgot, Make sure you stand on a couch and wave the bottle in the air a couple of times just so the smaller bopper will be able to see as well.



7. Give Dap to every one you see and point to at least one person

Boppers only deal with people of status, remember boppers are afraid of normal people so you must present a certain level of status, and one way this is accomplished is by making it seem like you know everyone in the club.

With that being said, as soon as you walk up to the club make sure you are dapping up everyone in sight. Even if you don't know them just dap them up and the bopper will assume that you are the man to know and will once again make her self available to you.

You should try to at least point to some one you know once. It's a small gesture but it goes a long way in the boppers eyes. It says look im so cool and popular I have to point at people.


I hope this list helps all the bopper hunters in their quest for boppers. Once these techniques are mastered you should never have a lonely night, maybe a rash or a blister or two, but never a lonely night.

Why Does Tyra Banks Annoy Me

Tyra, Tyra, Tyra, how many ways does thou annoy me let me count the ways, we all know Tyra has an effortlessly massive forehead (so do i) but that's not it, fake does not quite capture what Tyra is, her personality is about as transparent as her attempts to seem super black and down to earth, in the I can relate to black woman because I am also a strong independent black woman, so I say "umm hmmm" after every word and girl friend, and twist and turn my neck with my strong neck muscles which have been developed over the years due to my exorbitantly large cranium, and twist my fingers and smack my lips, at the same trying to make it seems like I am a normal woman, even though Ive been Super Fucking Model for 100 years, but now that I am done modeling and have my own talk show, I am going to exploit all fat, ugly, black, and lonely womens insecurities all the while being as white washed as possible, by making it seem like I have no problems letting you know that I have a fake weave, and can gain a couple pounds even though it was all a ploy to generate an audience and boost up rating, when at the same time I promote a show called Americas Next Top walking Corpse and further perpetuate the notion that eating is for of devil and allow a guy who thinks he's a girl and looks like a fucking sambo and wears a super duper large boe tie to judge on the show, or maybe it's the fact that she is so blatantly trying to still Oprah's swag (We all know how i feel about Oprah) ....

In case you are wondering why this stopped so abruptly, it's because this is a rant (i.e. the freestyle of the blog world) and I basically just type until I fall off my soap box.

7 Things A woman Should Avoid Saying to a Man

You can tell a lot about a woman in the first ten min of conversation. When a guy first meets a woman, there are some things you should avoid saying if you have any intention of keeping him around. He may not react to what you say right away, but believe me alarms start going off when a woman says certain things, hell I have a mental check list of things woman say that will have their phone scared to ring and here are seven of them.



1.I'M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN

Apparently its super cool for women to be super independent and then share it with the world via their mouth. Quite frankly, most of the women running around screaming they are independent are only independent when it’s convenient for them to be so. Usually, when a woman insist on telling me how independent she is Im turned off instantly. If I just met you and you’re telling me this, chances are you are going to spend our whole relationship trying to prove it (I don’t have time to battle a woman over my balls, I’m sorry). Besides, most true independent woman doesn’t talk about it.

2. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MALE

When A woman tells me that all her friends are male, alarms start going off . If I only hang around gorillas then I am going to act like a gorilla. I’m a man and I know what we are capable of, so telling me all your friends are males is a tale tale sign that yo ass has some problems and you are probably going to have the mentality of a man. No man wants a woman who thinks like a man (that’s gross).

3. I'M JUST DOING ME

Lol…I love when women say this, “Im just doing me” no sweetie you’re just doing the whole football team. Your just doing you my ass, that phrase doesn't even make sense. Ladies just avoid this phrase altogether because if you say it, the guy is just going to think that you are a hoe. which may be good in the short term but so great in the long.

4. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME ON A DATE

This by far has to be the most annoying question ever. If you never want to go out on a date with a particular dude just ask him this question and im pretty sure your wish will come true. This question just makes you look bad, don’t ask it. I am just gonna think you’re on this whole wining and dining nonsense or you’re just looking for something to do on my dime. Unless that man is your boyfriend don’t ask this question. You will lose.

5. I AM PREGNANT
This is pretty self explanatory

6. IM A STRONG (Insert Any Race Here) WOMAN
This is worse than saying you’re independent. When a woman says this all a man hears is, “I am really weak and insecure, so I say this phrase over and over again to make myself believe it” . Plus, majority of the time most women have the concept of strong just mixed up. Just because you’re a stubborn hard head who won’t submit herself out of common courtesy does not make you a “Strong Black Woman”, it just makes you a lonely, frustrated, angry (Insert any race here) woman.

7.N***** AINT SHIT
Once you say this you are pretty much a lost cause in my book. When a man hears a woman say this he automatically thinks, this girl is damaged goods, or something must be wrong with her, because the common theme in all her messed up relationships was her. If you believe this don’t say it out loud in front of someone you are interested in. Don't think for a min by you saying this, the man is going to want to prove you wrong by going the extra mile to please you. If anything he will play to your weakness get in and then get out.

White Girl + Black Guy + Elevator = Hilarious!!!

Being the black guy that I am (last I check I was still black), I am all to familiar with this scenario. I usually don't take offense to it, but it is kind of annoying. I will say that I does not happen as often as it used to (i.e. covert racism is all the new rage), but I still tend to notice it from time to time.

I have definitely thought about doing what this guy does at the end of the video, but I like to consider myself rational (i.e. I'm afraid she will yell rape and I might get the death penalty; I am in Texas) so I usually refrain.

Question for Thought:

What do yall think, is it wrong for a white girl in an elevator (or anywhere for that matter) to go into defense mode when she is alone with a strange black guy who is not an athlete (yall know white girls love them some black athletes)?

Black Guy shoots White Big shot (Denny Crane)

I was going to go into some mini rant about this video but I figured ide let the video speak for itself.

Jay Z Death of Auto Tune (You are not fooling Me Hova)

Jay Z and his recent single "Death of Auto-Tune" might be fooling the masses of hip-hop, but you are not fooling me sucka. I know the hip-hop masses look to Jay-Z as the Messiah of rap, and to a certain degree I understand (very limited degree), but I have to call out captain I need a stylist Hova on his bullshit. Better Yet I think Jim Jones said it best,

We're getting money off of autotune, it's just sounding like somebody's trying to knock a hustle and I don't think that's a little bit gangster if you ask me," Jones explained. "We getting money. He's knocking the hustle, ya dig? If these young men are making money off of autotune why would you try to stop that, when you got all the money already?

The true basis behind this song is so readily transparent it's almost comical. Why do nice guys talk bad about bad boys, because they can't be bad. Why did hood niggas clown Kanye, because they saw where hip-hop was going and that gangsta shit is phasing out.

This move by Jay Z was pure Machiavellian. Simply put, Jay is overtly going against the grain of the status quo in hip hop (The AutoTune) to generate buzz so he can sell his next album Blue Print 3 (which is going to be independent) i.e. I spent a lot of my own money to make this album and I need to make a large return because God forbid Beyonce pull in more money then him again this next fiscal year.

Let's be real, the song really is not that great... But what do I know.

This Dude Goes Hard On Black Women (But it's so true)

It's like youtube is exploding with angry black men who are sick and tired of the antics of a lot of black women. Go on youtube and type "black women" and see what comes up. Quite frankly, I don't really think anything will change because every women who fits this category will swear to the Heavens that this does not apply to them and thus will fail to make the necessary changes.

How dare he disrespect the Nubian Goddess that is the black woman...lol ...get the fuck out of here... and I'm king Tootoo. I swear some of yall women need to relax with all that black queen (notice I wrote that in lower case) BS. You are not fooling anyone...I know a bust down when I see one ( I See YoU).

I love black women but man some of y'all make it hard. Enjoy the video, or get mad at it, which I am sure many will do. Peace.

OJ Da Juice Man - Let Me Borrow Yo Jaw for a Lil Bit (AYE!!)

Warning: Audio Not Safe For work

I love Angela Yee's Radio Talk Show, and I was listening to her interview with OJ Da Juice man about his position on getting and giving head and this is what he had to say (Besides, Aye, Aye, Juice, Juice, Okay, okay)....